


Saving Harry.

by kotabear24



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Character Death, Christianity, Grief/Mourning, Heaven, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-16
Updated: 2013-01-16
Packaged: 2017-11-25 17:37:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,409
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/641353
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kotabear24/pseuds/kotabear24
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Louis dies the day he and Harry get engaged, and watches over Harry as Harry continues to live.</p><p>Based on "Saving Amy" by Brantley Gilbert (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9uR08-DL5Uw)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Saving Harry.

_Hazza,_

_It’s a bit stupid that I’m writing this, for a few reasons. 1, because I’m actually texting you right now. 2, because I’ll be home by the time Ibiza gets this to London. 3, because who REALLY uses the post anymore? Oh well. You like getting mail, so…here it is! Just thought I’d let you know, you’re really amazing, and I can’t wait to see you. Ibiza’s been lovely, really, and me and Stan have had a blast, being mental and staying pissed, but it’s still always nice to be home with you. I’m sure you’ll have a nice roast waiting for me when I get in, and it’ll be brilliant and you’ll have a cup of Yorkshire tea already cooled down for me, because you always do and you’re wonderful. Although, I’ve found a really useful reason to use the post: I can talk about things that haven’t happened yet, but will have happened by the time you get this. Like, how we will have had amazing ‘welcome home’ sex. Or how I’ll have nearly burned your house down, trying to get you a proper breakfast. Or how I’ll have proposed to you, and how you’ll have said yes and made me the happiest man in the whole world. I have to go, now, because we’re about to have some amazing phone sex. I love you.  
-Lou._

—————————

Louis watched sadly as Harry finally made it into his house, slamming the door shut in the faces of the paparazzi. When the door was locked, he finally let the tears flow freely. He picked up a vase (the weird one Nick and Sam had picked out at some supermarket/antique thing and decided to put in his house) and threw it as hard as he could, reveling in the noise, only because he could control that. Harry wasn’t one for noise anymore, unless he could control it. He picked up the next closest thing (a picture of the boys when they were younger) and threw that, too.

“ _Louis_!” Harry screamed through his tears, sinking to the floor. He curled up against the door of his house, tucking his head against his knees. “Louis!” he screamed as he pulled at his own hair, sobs wracking his body. “Please, Louis, please come save me,” he cried.

The noise on the other side of his door only grew.

Louis wiped his own tears as he crouched next to Harry, wishing his words could be heard, his touch could be felt as Harry screamed and threw anything his hands could find, sobbing messily.

—————————

“Harry, what have you _done_?” Liam asked, astonished as he stared at the floor, littered with shorn chocolate curls.

Niall, whose eyes didn’t really shine anymore, laughed hollowly. Most of his laughs were empty, these days. “Haz, mate…” he trailed off and swallowed, looking away.

Zayn excused himself for a cigarette.

Harry put down the clippers and rubbed his hands over his scalp, bottom lip quivering as he looked in the mirror. He met Liam’s eyes in the reflection before he looked down at the counter, unable to hold the eye-contact anymore. “I just couldn’t do it anymore,” he confessed to Liam quietly. He exhaled shakily before he continued. “Lo-he always liked my curls, is all. I couldn’t-I couldn’t keep them.”

Liam didn’t say anything as Harry started to cry again, bringing his hands up to cover his wet, green eyes. The ring glinted off his fourth finger and Liam moved closer to the younger man and wrapped him up tightly, tucking his head onto Harry’s shoulder as they both cried.

Louis watched the scene closely, touching Harry’s tears and kissing his face, wishing Harry could feel it and begging God to help Harry through this.

—————————

“ _Don’t fucking touch me_!” Harry screamed fighting to get away from the hands that were holding him. “Let go of me! Paul! Louis!” Harry cried through his screaming, sobs distorting his voice even more as Paul ran over, ripping the hands off of Harry. Harry wrapped his arms around Paul and buried his face in Paul’s chest, crying in earnest, gut-wrenching sobs that burned his throat and made it hard to breathe. Louis watched as Harry cried his name into Paul’s coat, watched as Paul glared at the reps from management and Liam.

“Harry, if you could just lis-” the female representative began, but Harry whipped around from Paul and shouted in her face, glaring with his ice turned bright green in fury.

“I AM _NOT TAKING IT OFF, BITCH_!” He screamed, and Louis flinched at the unwashed, uncensored anger in his voice, something Louis had never heard before in his life.

Liam stepped forward, probably to try to placate Harry into speaking kinder, but Harry was already turned into Paul again, crying and whimpering, “I wanna go home, I wanna go home,” through his sobs.

“This has to stop happening,” Paul said angrily to the woman and man standing next to her. “You need to accept it; stop trying to push him. Can’t you see he’s not ready?”

“Paul, be reasonable, here,” the man said, stepping forward, closer to Paul and Harry. Louis’ hands balled into fists as the man’s sneaky voice came to his ears. “We understand they were close, but people are thinking Harry is – was – in a gay relationship with Louis.” Louis saw Harry stiffen in Paul’s arms. “Whether or not it’s true, the kid’s _dead_ , Pau-”

Harry turned around and slugged him, punching him across the jaw. The man fell to the ground and Harry climbed on top of him, straddling his chest. “Don’t you _ever – say – his name – again_!” He screamed as he hit the man. Paul, Liam, and the woman both cried out in alarm, and Paul got his arms round Harry’s middle and hefted him away. Andy heard the woman scream and came over, leaving John and Phillip to guard Niall and Zayn. Harry screamed wordlessly, tears falling into his opened mouth and down his neck, as Paul carried him away.

“What the hell happened?” Andy nearly shouted at the woman as he crouched over the man, calling in a medical team.

“They told Harry he had to take his ring off,” Liam said, his anger barely contained in his voice. Andy’s head whipped up to look at him, and then the woman, who nodded in confirmation. Andy stood quickly and gripped Liam’s elbow in a vice-like grip and they left the pair standing in the room alone.

—————————

Harry screamed swear words and threw the old toys laying around at the walls and ripped down all the posters and the little bulletin board he’d once thought was cool. Harry cried as he smashed his old laptop because it had pictures of Louis it and tried to rip up the duvet because Louis had slept under it when they visited Anne and Robin and Gemma, and Louis sat on the bed and watched it happen through the spaced between his fingers.

When Harry ran out of steam, he sat in the corner of the bed, pressed against the wall, and buried his face in his knees. “You lied, Lou,” he said, voice breaking as he sobbed. “You said forever.”

The noise of the crowd outside Harry’s childhood home grew through Harry’s cracked-open window. “Baby, come save me,” Harry cried, “I’m so lonely and lost and I need you.”

Louis rubbed his hand over the tiny bit of hair that was growing back, pricking through the skin like when girls didn’t shave their legs soon enough, pressed kisses to Harry’s wet cheek, wedged himself between Harry and the wall to curl around his back. Louis cried weakly along with Harry, wishing more than anything Harry would know that he was watching over him.

—————————

“Are you sure, mate?” Ed asked, pulling on the gloves because he knew what the younger man would say.

But Harry only nodded, taking his shirt off and laying down in the chair. Ed pressed the paper to his chest before peeling it slowly off, leaving the blue dye on his skin. Harry’s left thumb played with the ring on his finger, moving it around. He took a shuddering breath as before Ed turned the needle gun on, jabbing into his chest with the black ink.

_Two black rings linked together._

Ed helped Harry wrap the ink up when he was done, and Louis watched as Harry let a few tears slip as Ed buttoned the shirt up his friend’s chest before hugging him gently, wary of the sore tattoo across his chest.

Louis pressed his hands to the tattoo as Harry walked right past him, unseeing and unfeeling. Louis shuddered at the heat, at the feel of Harry’s heartbeat, and the sight of the glistening eyelashes.

—————————

“’S like…everyone wants to _talk_ to me, all of a sudden,” Louis heard Harry explain to Jay through the phone. Louis’ heart broke at the same time as Harry’s voice. “…It’s only about him, though. Nobody wants to know how I’m doing, not really. …They don’t understand, Jay. …Sure, they’re engaged, but it’s not as if they’ve suddenly been in a car cra-…I know. …Alright. …Love you, too. Bye.”

Louis sat across the kitchen table as Harry rested his head on the table, shoulders silently shaking.

Louis stand in the corner of his and Harry’s old room as Harry tossed and turned, moaning helplessly. Louis ached to go and reach out, to wake him up, but it was useless. It didn’t work that way. Louis watched, heart breaking, as Harry suffered.

—————————

Harry let out a gut-wrenching scream and sat up straight, having woken himself up. He curled up on Louis’ pillow and cried for a while before he sat up again, wiping his eyes. Harry went to take a quick shower-quicker than his showers ever were before-and dressed in his nicest. Louis followed him out of the house.

Harry stopped on the way to buy a massive load of flowers, letting the man at the stand keep the massive change as a tip for not saying anything when he realized it was _Harry Styles, the boy now famous for being a recluse after the loss of his rumored-to-be fiance._

When Harry and Louis reached the tombstone, Harry cried thickly at the sight of all the flowers already littering the gray slab. A full year, and Harry hadn’t been here since the funeral-and even then, he’d left early.

The light was still muted, as it was rather early, but Harry sank down into the grass, gently laying out the bouquet right next to the stone. Then, Harry lay down on his back, next to the grave, hands folded over his stomach.

Louis sat down as Harry cleared his throat. “Hey, Lou,” Harry said, looking at the sky. “I dunno if you remember what happened, but you always hated being disoriented when you woke up, so…I figured I’d tell you.” Harry took a deep breath and Louis listened with interest, wanting to know what Harry remembered of the night.

“We’d gone out on a date,” Harry started quietly. “You had come home from Ibiza a few nights before, and I’d cooked, and you were _dying_ to take me out. So finally, I got all dressed up, and so did you, and you took me out. We went to McDonald’s-and I was blushing the whole time because we looked _ridiculous_ , dressed up nicely and at _McDonald’s_ , of all places-and then after I’d finished my burger, we went to see The Script. You followed me when I went to the toilet and you did it. You got down on one knee, in that dirty, smelly toilet, because you wanted to propose to me the same way you met me-turning away from the urinal, barely giving me time to wash my hands. And you proposed, and I said yes, and you kissed me so hard, and I thought I would never let go. I wish I never had.

“We got in the car and we went shopping, not really doing much of anything-just giving me an excuse to wear my new ring around in public-and finally, you were ready to go home. So we got in the car, and we drove back to yours, since it was closer.

“It was someone’s puppy. It had gotten away from the owner, and you swerved not to hit it. We ended up curled around a tree-your tiny little mini. I had a nice gash on my head-I have a scar, now,” Harry added, a finger lifting to trace the jagged scar starting on his forehead and running down to his jaw, cutting through the middle of his cheek. “I couldn’t move my fingers, and I could only feel part of my right leg-and it felt like it was on fire. But when I turned my head and saw you, it didn’t matter.”

Harry’s lip started to wobble at this point. Louis laid down and rest his head against Harry’s chest, wishing with everything Harry could feel the pressure and recognize it. “You were in so much _pain_ , Louis. So much pain. You looked at me and asked me to make it stop. You asked me to die. Like…like you were asking my _permission_. And I said no, God-of _course_ I said no. But you didn’t listen. And you…you died. We hadn’t been engaged for _three hours_ , and you died. And we-the world didn’t even know we were _dating_ , Jesus. And when you died…a part of me died, too.” Harry stopped talking, then, opting for quiet. He started humming _Look After You_ , with choppy tears streaming down his face, and Louis sang along with him, tears of his own.

—————————

“So what’s special to you about this next album, Harry?”

Harry looked around to his three best mates, smiling tightly. The interviewer had just asked each of them the same question, and they all had given completely honest answers, individual to their feelings on the new CD. “Well, we took our time recording this. After…after we lost him-after we lost Louis,” Harry finally stammered out, missing the surprised looks flitting across the boys’ faces at his use of Louis’ name, “I was sure I’d never record again. I mean, most of…the world, really…saw where I went after we lost him. The…the drugs, the alcohol, the tattoos, shaving my hair, being reclusive…I wasn’t really much of a person, and what I think is so special about _I Won’t Change_ is that…it kind of _shows_ how I felt. I mean, I was struggling – we both were, in our relationship, in our sexualities – and I refused to let the media and the industry hide who I was.” Harry’s fingers glided over the small tattoo on his wrist, I can’t change. “And the album really shows how Louis and I fought our hardest, and lost some, and won some. But most of all, I think it’s special because it pulled me out of everything. And one of our songs, called _Saving You_ – Ed Sheeran wrote it specifically for us, even though he sort of has a rule about that – it kind of knocked some sense into me. Louis isn’t here anymore, but I know he is, kind of. I know he still loves me, and knows I love him, because we made promises to each other, and neither of us break promises. I know he’s watching out for us, and he’s gonna put in a good word for whatever happens next. But _I Won’t Change_ gave me a focus, and I used that to pull me out of wherever it was I was heading. It’s been three years, now, and every day is still really hard, especially first thing in the morning, you know. But the album gave me a lot of…clarity, I guess. You know, it was too late for him.” Harry swallowed around the lump in his throat. “But…but there’s still hope for me.”

Louis smiled as the audience clapped and the interviewer thumbed at her runny eyeliner, her smile to him wobbling a little. He hopped over the stage and kissed Harry full on the mouth, hugging him tight, wanting nothing more than to feel Harry’s heart beating with his, in sync, like it used to.

—————————

Louis stood outside the gates, dressed in all white. For the occasion, his white shirt was marked with a barely-noticeable off-white that ran in horizontal stripes.

“Louis?”

Louis turned around and beamed, looking at Harry, restored to his beauty and youth, though he lived into his late sixties, life cut short by pneumonia. “Harry,” he said, a sob coming through his greeting.

“Louis!” Harry ran to Louis, jumping into his arms and crying in earnest. “Louis, Louis, my Louis, you’re here, Louis,” he sobbed, burying his nose in Louis’ neck and hair, his hands roaming Louis’ face and tracing his fingers, crying with a smile on his face. “I missed you my whole life,” he said, his voice breaking six times.

“I know,” Louis assured him, kissing the tears from his cheeks. “I know, baby, I watched you, I always looked after you, forever, like I promised, remember?”

Harry’s sob turned into a laugh and he grabbed Louis and hugged him. Louis felt his heart beating in time with his own. Louis kissed him then, pouring every ounce of love he’d felt for the past forty-odd years as Harry never dated or even pretended to for management, resulting in a lawsuit that the boys won, anyway, and a new reign of management which was much better for them, anyway. All of the love Louis had held inside of him as he watched Harry losing his mind in grief, losing his way without Louis guiding him, losing his health as depression consumed him. All of the love he’d harbored and stored for Harry as he watched him start to grow faith in God, start to believe that Louis maybe still existed, perhaps not on Earth but somewhere else.

Louis broke the kiss and smiled, an errant sob bubbling up his throat, kissing the tears off Harry’s face and chin as he opened the gates and pulled Harry into Heaven.

—————————

Louis wakes up some unidentifiable amount of time later, when Liam and Zayn, and most of their parents and some of their siblings have joined them in Heaven. Louis gets on his knees next to the bed and sees Harry laying there, still asleep. Louis folds his hands and closes his eyes.

_Lord, I thank You today for giving my families long lives, filled with love and happiness and You. I thank You for continuing to see Phoebe through her loss of Daisy, and I hope You continue guiding her towards You and Your love, so she can join us, here in Heaven. Thank You for Lottie and Fizzy and Dais, and my mum, thank you for Anne and Robin and Des and Gemma and Mike making it here. Thank You for Safaa and Yasir and Patricia and Doniya; please continue to bless Waliyha and keep her healthy. Thank you for delivering Geoff and Nicola, and please show Ruth Your love so she can join us. Please, also keep watch over Karen through her sickness, and ease her pain as best as You can. Thank You for Bobby and Maura and Chris and Greg, and for keeping Niall healthy and lively. Please continue to keep him healthy until it’s his time, and please let him pass easily._

Harry wakes up and looks around for Louis. Louis opens his eyes momentarily and smiles, allows Harry to kiss him softly before Harry gets down on his knees next to him, stretching as he goes. Louis watches the way Harry fold his hands, fingers intertwining whereas Louis just presses his hands together, fingers standing tall against each other, the way Harry scrunches his eyes closed, like he’s blocking out any light, whereas Louis just closes his eyes enough that he can’t see what’s in front of him. Louis feels Harry shift over a little so he’s pressing skin-to-skin against Louis’ arm. Louis smiles, feeling his heart swell with love, and closes his eyes again, bowing his head to finish his prayer.

_Thank You for helping Harry, God. Thank You for giving him that bit of faith he needed, so that he could be here with me today, God. Thank you for saving Harry._


End file.
